YOU MISSED ME

Damn, it's been a long time since I "blogged," and the reason for that, dear reader*, is that I've been sick sick sick. With the horking, I mean. In the end, it turned out my new roommate may not be so murderous after all.** Instead I may have an ulcer.

I know what you are thinking, but NO, it is not a syphilitic ulcer.*** It is of the good old tummy variety. So stop snickering.

In practical terms, what this means is: I cannot drink coffee. This is, without a doubt, the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Ever.

That still doesn't express the gravitas of this situation. I'll try again.

This is the worst thing that has ever happened on Earth since the beginning of time.

Worse than:

It's that effing bad. I hate you.

* Singular

*May not

**While I do in fact have syphilis, my perfect face has yet to be ravaged. Perfect, I say!