For realzies.
Here goes: All I want in life is for some online entity that caters to sardonic, over educated, underemployed, check-out-my-obscure-t-shirt, of-course-I-love-Mars-Volta, too-cool-4-school urban hipsters to acknowledge me.
I'm here! I'm funny! Look at me, goddamnit! It's like high school all over again.*
But like an awkward, bookish, flat-chested, boyish-looking teen girl attempting to get the leader of the skateboarding stoners to invite her to eat her lunch outside while watching him ollie and smoke, I am rebuffed time and time again. Like a big loser.**
So, as a way of masochistically poking the point of rejection deep into the eye of failure, I am going to post the first of many rejected McSweeney's Lists submission.
FACIAL HAIR TRENDS
TO REPLACE THE IRONIC MUSTACHE***
1. Metonymic goatee
2. Anaphoric sideburns
3. Synechdochic eyebrows
Total content of rejection email: "Tempting, but still a pass."
*Without the hallucinogens and the cutting, natch.
**This is an entirely fictional situation. I've always been stacked and super-popular.
***I mean, COME ON. This list is perfect. You need a Master's degree in Comparative Lit just to get the punchline, and it's about a phenomena familiar only to coastal urbanites. Could it get anymore obscure and elitist?!?! Fuck you, McSweeney's.
3 comments:
I enjoyed your list, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I admit, I looked up all of those words, and laughed louder at each one until my co-workers said "I don't know what's up with her, she's been making wierd noises for a while now."
Let me take a few moments to bathe in your praise...ah...yes...that's exactly what this only child needed. Thank you.
Post a Comment