D’s Annotated List of Hobbies

1. Winning spelling bees
    a) in English
    b) in Latin
2. Winning games of Scrabble
3. Winning Stolichnaya sponsorships
4. Honing my winning personality¹
5. Reviving dead languages
    a) Please see my solo recording of “Roxanne” in Aramaic
    b) Feel free to drop by my next Proto-Indo-European Enthusiast’s Tea Party
6. Polishing my “me” diamond
7. Polishing my “me” diamond’s platinum setting
8. Polishing my Tri-State Area Doggerel Champion, 2008 trophy
9. Pointing out egregious examples of imperialism and sexism in treasured though tragically flawed second-wave feminist young adult fantasy novels
10. Creating internet memes
11. Profiting from my created internet memes
    a) See my “Saying a Day from SartreCat” Calendar (Running Press, 2009)
    b) See my “All Your Moods Are Belong to Us” Mood Rings, available at any fine retailer
12. Assiduously avoiding nuts
    a) Human
    b) Almond
13. Sleeping with Macarthur Genius Grant Winners
14. Avoiding Macarthur Genius Grant Winners subsequent phone calls²
15. Debunking
16. Spelunking
17. Witch-dunking
18. Out-punking

__________________
¹ All of the above could have been condensed into one pastime: winning. But for the sake of transparency, I have chosen to enumerate this sampling of the areas of life in which I am supreme.
² And “sexting.”